A Little Night Musing March 22, 2009
Posted by Anthony Closkey in Boxes.Tags: empathy, listening, musings
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I try to listen with great empathy and patience. However, I have at least one really bad listening habit.
When I’m not satisfied with your explanation I too often look through you in a way that reads, “That’s just dumb. You’re an idiot.” Naturally, I’ve never seen this look. Well, not on my own face at least. But I know when it’s there, and sometimes I’m told.
Maybe if I’m honest with myself I do think, “That’s just dumb.” I’m not thinking, “You’re an idiot.” Inside my head I’m searching for the satisfying answer on your behalf. And in this way I feel I’m being charitable and far less judgmental than it outwardly appears. With luck I can find a few questions, and together we’ll work toward a satisfying conclusion.
Of course, I’m indebted to you if my external behavior, intentional or not, leads you to think less of yourself. Debt no internal charity can repay.
Very few take the time to explain these quirks, myself included. I have no poker face and fear I often leave people feeling unsure. I don’t know, but like you I can tell when I’m making “the face” and am powerless to stop it. How do you e-mail someone later and say “Sorry if I made you feel stupid with my ‘bad face?’” Well said, sir, and kudos.
Someday I will take a photo of the face you make, and maybe you can then work on not making it.
And then maybe you can do the same for me, because I know I have such an expression too.
Nice choice of musical accompaniment.
Birds of a feather, Anthony: relax, and listen to your heart more often.